And Heeeere's Lassie, I mean William!

So remember way back when I wrote that I couldn't wait to see the body of the heartbeat? Well, he's here. What a scary and exciting road labor and delivery was... He came out with his hands up by his face, like he was diving out. Look out world, here's a little Chris that for everyone's sake we hope is like Julie! Right now I can here his little whimperings and occasional cry. You know how super cheesy it is when you read those poems that go like, "his little eyes just melted my heart," and stuff like that? Well, it's not cheesy when it's your kid. He is, just for the record, a beautful product of love and pain. I can't help but see the parallels of Christ in the everyday things, and this is no different. Our child is a symbol of God's grace, and opportunity to recieve His grace. Out of love came a painful event that produced something beautiful, and out of the same circumstances came our opportunity to be with Christ. What a precious way to begin life. I was told that the first night would be the easiest, from friends and a nurse. You people lied. I'm still up, have changed three diapers in less than an hour, and have carried baby to mama to bed to mama at least a dozen times. Julie is pretty much on bed-rest so she can heal, so it makes it hard for her to walk around and pick up William to feed him on her own. But it's okay. I just wanted to send a thank you out to everyone who was helping us in some way, whether by phone calls, prayers, gifts, ect... It has been pretty tough to go through everything without either set of parents or famly around, (except Zach, who is a baby pro, so he better be sticking around...), a little tougher than I thought it would be. But we have had more support than we deserved, I'm sure, and we realy appreciate it. From Mom about birth: "I would not say it was a wonderful experience, but we made a really cute baby." Me: "Was it worth it?" Mom:"Uhh... yes!" To all those girls out there who are terrified of birthing a child, my wife did it all natural, she came out smiling and holding a real bundle of joy. Like I say all the time, if you want to get to the gold, you have to dig through the dirt. But man, the payoff makes it worth it! God Bless!

The Stork is Landing, I repeat...

Well, we are at the hospital awaiting our first child. My wife is in the jacuzzi, relaxing, just waiting for everything to get crazy before William is introduced to the world. I'm reflecting on my life. At this point, on the curb of the street called parenthood, I can see how it is possibly tempting to look back and wonder why I ever thought life was hard. Wouldn't it be nice to go back to that time with the new perspective of "this is easy"? But we press forward, and we have no choice but to keep going. I love where I am at in life, I love the good times and I'm thankful for the hard times. It is going to be really hard for us in a little bit, financially, emotionally, and physically. I can feel the cold fingers of panic creep up my back, and I can sense the dread develop in my gut when I consider our road ahead. But the one thing I keep telling myself is to be excited, not scared, and to be relaxed, not stressed. Being able to look at rain and see the growth it stimulates instead of the depressing mood it conveys is a discipline. I look at my life-to-come and I choose to see opportunity instead of hardship. I see experience and growth instead of pain and regret. This is one of the many ways where we can influence how we feel by how we think. I helped my wife out of the tub and into the bed again and she is learning to focus on breathing during her contractions. Predetermining a focal point for her was a necessary tool in helping her through the pain and stress and fear. When she needs it, I am right there for her to focus on. When she sees me she knows I will be her metronome for her breathing and the emotional support she needs for the stress. She doesn't worry about those things. Her job is simple at that point. Follow me. I've got you. Our walk with Christ is the same way. If He is our focal point then our job is simple, no matter how difficult it is. Follow Him. We can do anything when we have the right support and direction. Well, that's a bit from my life right now. The wife is sleeping (as best she can) and the nurse is quietly coming in and out and William's heart beat is playing through the monitor. Soon I will see the body to that beat! =) God Bless!

Something to write about...

It is getting harder and harder for me to sit down and write. I don't feel inspired anymore. Two years ago I would have been excited to sit down and write everything that happened that day, or just mention random things that come into my mind. But now it just feels like a chore. I finish a sentence and then pause, waiting for the words to come and they never do. Why? I'm not sure, but I figured I should just sit down and do it. So, this is me, just writing. I learned last week the importance in just being yourself to God. To just take time to cry or yell and tell God exactly how you feel about anything. I'm not god with the demonstrating pain or hurt. I do anger and frustration pretty well, because it is easily used as a front for pain or hurt. But recently, what with the baby coming and work being hard (starting at the bottom doesn't help) among other things, I have been storing my pain deep inside. It makes me bitter to life, and quick to anger. I'm struggling with some relationship things with a friend as well. Without going in too deep they have separated, but he is trying to make it work and she doesn't care. That hurts me. It hurts that we can do nothing but sit by and pray. No one knows how I feel about it, and when I brought up that I need prayer from my life group they we're surprised. Nobody was aware of how I felt. That shouldn't be the case. I need to first make God aware (I know He is already, but the point is for us to get it out), then make others aware so they can help if need be. So this blog will be my diary. I want those who follow it to be aware of me. Of what I'm going through. My struggles and my pain, my laughter and good times. That way, I have no excuse. Also you may need to read something funny that day, or need someone to mention that they are feeling what you're feeling, and how they got through it. So here I am. I am an advocate to making waves, so if I write something extremely offensive and opinionated, then get over it. This is America, and one of my remaining rights (the list of our rights seems to get smaller and smaller...) is the right to bear arms. I can wear tank tops whenever I desire (my older brother is my inspiration in the bear arms department). But on a more related topic, I have the right to freedom of speech. So I'm taking it. Let's make some waves, let's do our thing. I'm doing mine right here once a week. Tune in if you want.

If there was ever a time for good, honest conversation, it was a long time ago. I'm hoping to create an environment where people can be people. Regular drama, regular lives, regular people. I'm going to share stories and ideas that I have experienced or designed, and I am going to be real. Be real with me.